Yes life is suffering, and there is a way to ease the suffering. Brilliant!
Throughout the last year the most frustrating, depressing and in some ways difficult thing I’ve had to deal with is Centrelink (the Social Security system).
My family’s influence, my history and my expectations have brought me here, in spite of myself. Now I’m going to dare to consider that I’m not broken at all, that I’ve been hiding and that I don’t have to anymore.
I was talking with my mother in law briefly about my physical and mental health and said “I know I don’t have a good mind/body connection”, she’s not a big fan of psychologists so I knew she wouldn’t jump on board with it and I exaggerated the phrase mind/body connection to concede that. Her reaction of eye rolling dismissive disdain was hard and fast.
Do no harm, to them or to me. I don’t subscribe to the idea that if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem. That’s too simplistic. There is far too much subtlety between a problem and its solution.
I also did two loads of washing and some ironing, and made the bed for my niece and nephew to sleep over tonight. What a domestic day!
Today is my birthday. I’m 41. Last year I didn’t really celebrate because I was in the middle of tests and medical appointments, always thinking the next appointment would be the one where they ‘fix it’.
It’s quiet now, still warm but we’re at different ends of the house, doing different things. Not avoiding each other, just recharging on our own. We’re both introverts and we need alone time to recharge.
Now I’m accepting that there may be a bit of truth in the sting in the accusation of being hysterical. I’m usually the only one who uses that term, but any time I’m told to calm down, or relax, or not to worry.
My actual illness is not the biggest problem I have right now. Fighting years of habits, fear, conditioning, old family memories, other people’s expectations, my own expectations. That’s my biggest problem.