Feeling low today.
A bit physically tired and that bored feeling where I don’t want to be bored but I can’t think of anything to do. Sounds like good conditions to meditate, to think about nothing, but it’s actually a whole category of thinking in itself. Meditation is more of a concentrate-on-one-thing kind-of-quietness, not being unintentionally blank.
Had a bit of cry about being infertile. Felt much better after it and a little more alert but not necessarily energetic.
I’m contemplating going to the gym but it’s not exciting me too much. Maybe a walk. Maybe nothing.
I did the grocery shopping today, so there’s a bit of physical energy involved and a lot of social energy. Even though I only had to say a few words to a the shop assistants, it takes a lot of social energy to be in shopping centres, especially now it’s near Christmas and people have that crazy look in their eyes.
I’m offended on behalf of practicing Christians that shopping has over taken their holiday.
I had another almost spiritual/very emotional moment yesterday at choir. We’re doing a Christmas program that’s a combination of religious and secular numbers. There are singalongs for the really well known songs. Often only the first verse is well known and sometimes I’m barely paying attention to the words. During Silent Night I was paying attention, I love to sing it and to hear it, I find the tune very pleasing and comforting. When we got to the 3rd verse I got quite choked up and had tears in my eyes:
Son of God love’s pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With dawn of redeeming grace
There was something about the radiant beams from the infant in the stable that offer redeeming grace.
Yes I’m reading some Orthodox Christian stuff, but there was more to it.
The idea of something as grand as grace coming from something simple as an infant in a stable.
I’ve been hearing that song for 40 years, its taken that long to feel it.