I’m feeling like I have more time and brain space on my hands. I’m taking this as a sign that there is less whirring worrying going on in the back of my mind.
This is a wonderful, light feeling. I’m going to enjoy it as long as it lasts. Of course it will end, or it will be punctuated with times of annoyance and upset. Maybe I’ll be tired or not paying attention and fall into that old reaction. Maybe someone in my family will do something harsh that I can’t be so calm about.
I lay away last night watching the anxiety searching for something to latch on to while another calmer part of me seemed to almost form a buffer for the worry to bounce off and not be able to latch on to anything. It wasn’t my intellect doing that, my intellect was watching both sides of the process.
Yesterday, reading the end of the book and how the people close to her helped her to die and helped each other, I was overcome with a wave of emotion. My initial response was to push through and keep reading, but I noticed I was pushing down the feeling to keep going with doing, so I put the book down and just felt the feelings.
My cat is part of my medical team. The unconditional love of a pet is very soothing. The irrational tantrums of a pet can also be a great way to shake you out of whatever you’re obsessing over. It’s been said that cats have a similar intelligence and emotional capacity to a human toddler. The … Continue reading Day 168 – Present
Considering I’ve been going to Buddhist stuff for about 3 years now, it’s only now that this has sunk in, or maybe risen up and I’m noticing it.
The psychologist I’m seeing recommended a book to my husband and me. It’s written by a spiritual/transpersonal psychologist who had already written many books and was seen as an authority in the field when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. The book was recommended because it has both their perspectives. The patient and the carer.
Yes life is suffering, and there is a way to ease the suffering. Brilliant!
Throughout the last year the most frustrating, depressing and in some ways difficult thing I’ve had to deal with is Centrelink (the Social Security system).
My family’s influence, my history and my expectations have brought me here, in spite of myself. Now I’m going to dare to consider that I’m not broken at all, that I’ve been hiding and that I don’t have to anymore.