Today I'm pretty serene and feeling very peaceful about the world, my place in it and my complete lack of control over it. But I know I wouldn't have to look to far back in this blog to see plenty posts full of fear, angst, anger, frustration and tears.
Going to the hospital every week for treatment for 6 months was great. It's a welcoming cocoon of safety. If anything goes wrong, I'm in exactly the right place. I can give up responsiblity for myself and all the boring bullshit of life. All I have to do is turn up.
I lived in London for 3 ½ years and I never had any crime committed against me. I never felt scared going home late at night or getting drunk with semi strangers. The TV and papers were still telling me how horrid the world is, but they weren’t telling me to be scared because I have a vagina.
After spending years not feeling because I’m scared of the consequences of those bad feelings, I’m letting them rip. They pass and after them comes some kind of clarity from inside or outside. A moment of ‘of course’, a sign to keep feeling, keep going, keep being.
Do no harm, to them or to me. I don’t subscribe to the idea that if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem. That’s too simplistic. There is far too much subtlety between a problem and its solution.
Now Prtg looks back for Hotel Manager and he’s not there. She looks in the lobby and can’t find him, she’s disappointed and looks back in to the ball room but decides not to go in. She goes out to the terrace to be alone and finds him there as well. They smile awkwardly, and then dance together on the terrace. He asks if it’s ok to dance with the boss, she laughs and says she’s never been the boss before and hopes he will give her lots of help.
3 suspects, all cleared by alibis So what next? Police woman asks Protagonist to tell her what she noticed at the discovery site. Protagonist says she saw sawdust and drag marks. Police woman agrees. Confirms the sawdust came from the train station work room. Local Historian confirms his alibi, so does Vineyard Manager.
ALIBI: Police woman interrogates Bride & Victim’s boyfriend. They were together at the time of the murder, but don’t want to confess. Groom walks in on Bride’s interrogation, she is using his as her alibi. He says she’s lying. She wasn’t with him and knows she was with the victim’s partner, the groom saw them kissing in the ballroom after they’d finished taking photos.
There is often some sort of problem between the police and the non-police investigator character. I don’t want to go for the obvious stupid police man, so I’m having the sidekick police man be a fresh PC who is very enthusiastic but has seen too much TV and is always trying to find some big city/TV type crime in this small town.
Conversation turns to the business, Hotel Manager tries to keep it professional but makes unintentional double entendres etc because he wants to flirt/ask her out but it’s inappropriate timing and unprofessional