Even if I did, there would be no way to know what the consequences of all of the things I could/should/would have done would be and what state my life would be in now.
Joy complains a lot, Lisa wants to find the label for this distance between her name and her predominant character trait.
‘Much better, relieved. A little guilty, but I’ll get over that’ she hears the determination in her voice. Lisa realises the heaviness in her heart as gone, and so has the nausea.
Finally Lisa breaks the silence “I remember a time, years ago, I might even still have been in high school, when I decided to be the helpful one. The one that is practical, organised, fixes things. I thought people would love me for it.”
“I can feel it in my belly, and it really does feel like something in my heart, in my chest. Christ it’s not a heart attack is it?”
‘my dad’s kissing, slobbering, over some other woman and my mum is crying like a messy drunk!’ she accusing them now and she can feel the shouting, screaming, rage coming back just like she felt in the dream.
The light is flowing down from a glass ceiling high above and looking up I see the curved balconies around it remind me of the circular ramp in the Guggenheim Museum in New York. I count five or six balconies above me before I get a dizzy and have to look back down.
Another thing I’m thankful for is that I don’t get road rage. Sitting in traffic is one place I usually win at Buddhism. I can see them all going crazy, feel compassion for them and wish they find freedom from their suffering. It’s mostly Buddhism, and a generous dash of the No Agenda show.
Noreen was so proud of her daughters matching outfits. They weren’t exactly matching, the girls weren’t twins so that would be weird she thought.
She hasn’t seen half of the guests for 20 years or more, they’re her parents friends. Lisa suspects their coming now to have a party with her parents, to have one last blast… before the funeral for her father that they all think is not far away.