I don’t call myself a Buddhist and while I have no problem believing in reincarnation, ‘oceans of galaxies’ and ‘endless eons’, I’m not fully signed up to the program.
I spend too much time watching TV these days. A lot of property shows, different countries, different people, different purposes and different goals. Makes me wonder if I’m interested in any sort of work shift in this direction. Something physical with outcomes you can see, feel and touch.
Vanity. Had my hair coloured today. Had to cover the white, transparent roots that made it look like my scalp was visible.
The last year he has carried the bulk of the home duties, bringing in the money and as my emotional support. Though I didn’t ever need physical help, I needed a lot of wisdom from him to manage the little energy I had.
Although I’ve thought I was fat and my body was horrible since I was about 12, I’ve always been happy that with my face. I think I’m pretty. I always want to do something different with my hair, but I’ve never felt bad about myself from the neck up.
Emotionally, my strength has improved. My health has improved. Now I can tackle the physical weakness. I’m vein enough to also want to look amazing after all of this.
This morning I tried on some clothes I haven’t worn in a while and was quite shocked at my shape. I can easily go weeks without really looking at myself that closely. I check that my outfit is clean and tidy and appropriate for what I’m doing, but when so much of what I’m doing is at home it’s easy to slip into the tracky dacks and stopping noticing.
Legal ages for marriage and sex have moved according to different social norms. Kids used to be sent down the mines before they were 10 and there is still plenty of child labour around the world. It’s those tiny little fingers, so helpful for delicate tasks and small spaces.
Giving myself this time to think about myself has freed up some of that need through the rest of my day. I feel like I’m more attentive to other people and the tasks I’m doing because I’ve already had time to focus on me, or know I’ll get that time shortly.
I’m 40 and I guess that’s old enough to reminisce about the old days, but I think it’s more than that. Maybe I’m a bit more conservative than the world seems to me at the moment. I’m not talking about politics. I’m talking about privacy more than anything.