Power is useful to me to achieve something, but not in and of itself. I have often been in situations where I have responsibility but no authority. That is incredibly frustrating for me, it defeats my ability to achieve, or makes it so difficult that the achievement is outweighed by the politics.
I few years ago I went full-happiness and ended up depressed and medicated. I used to think I was 'optimistic' and 'positive' and that was 'better' than being 'pessimistic' and 'negative', but I realise now that I was using that as a way to deny the difficult stuff, my failures and the times I didn't get what … Continue reading Post 418 – Happiness
Each time I tell this story I tweak it because I can think of a clearer way to say it, or to better fit the context of that conversation. I'm really starting to enjoy it.
When I stop, everything else starts to flow.
I remember as a teenager accepting that I already felt 40 and would eventually grow into myself. I have caught up with myself in some ways. It's nice to imagine what I can do next.
There are some things that have passed or fallen out of fashion that I still like and wish were more widespread. There are some things that exist today that I love and there are things that are being projected for the future that fill me with wonder and others that fill me with dread.
It hurts to be rejected. It hurts to be rejected and to have to face that rejection in the presence of others again and again.
What if I dug more in the why of the goal or the thing that was fun to dream up but wont' get finished? What if that gives me alternate ways to achieve the why and 'finish' that instead.
As someone who's on the anxious side of things, I use control to try to calm my fears. Spoiler alert.... it doesn't work. I struggle between controlling the details in the productive sense and not tipping over into peak anxiety.
Hum or hmmmmm... roughly the sound I made when I realised I was using hum-ility and hum-iliation interchangeably. Not interchangeably, but depending on how I felt at the time, I was telling the same story but using -ility- or -iliation- baseded on my emotional state.